Kettles somehow make getting arrested about as exciting as waiting in line at the DMV. Over the course of hours, police take a unified crowd, moving with purpose, and transform it into a collection of nervous individuals, waiting to be individually processed. When police kettle a march it goes from being a vibrant protest to a few hundred people in the middle of a park or street all thinking about how much they have to pee. …

National news outlets want the sexy police-state footage that street-level journalists risk their lives to obtain.

But they don’t want the context, and they don’t want to pay.

One night last week, during one of the smaller demonstrations, a tall white man in a clean ballistic helmet and brand-new plate carrier emblazoned with “PRESS” strolled through the crowd in front of the Hatfield Federal Courthouse in Portland, Oregon. He stopped by a gaggle of other journalists, most out-of-towners. “I’ve only been around for the last week,” he said, “but the protests in Portland feel a lot more performative than the ones I’ve seen in other cities. Less genuine.” A local journalist mentioned having been present for over 50 nights of the protests, starting in early June. “Yeah, I…

Federal Marshals in front of the Portland Federal courthouse building
Federal Marshals in front of the Portland Federal courthouse building

Since federal LEOs were out in force last night, and repeatedly bull-rushed protesters with no warning, while armed with m-4 carbines, here’s a breakdown of legal grounds for these actions. Bad news is the answers are in this thing also known as Executive Order 13933:

Protecting American Monuments, Memorials, and Statues and Combating Recent Criminal Violence

This is in most ways exactly the executive order you’d expect of the president. Section 1 leads off by talking about domestic tranquility, life liberty and property, the Intro Gov Class classics. and then launches into some real Grandpa At Thanksgiving And He’s Drunk…

45th Parallel Absurdist Brigade

Press collective in PDX. A double-decker shitpost sandwich on wry whole-grain journalism. Photos and commentary on

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